oh crap for real?

one month and
some time has passed and I have had lots to write about but alas there has not exactly been the time to write.  I am writing this now in a rushed ration so as to help myself get back into the practice.  I like to have a little momentum or some kind of gimmick.  I am sure of where I am in a geographic sense, yet not as much in the metropolitan sense.  It is as if the doors opened to get me here and now I have entered a room full of doors.  and they seem to be in flux.  opening and closing and my hair is blown back by the wind.  Which way will be best?  there is some measure of fear crouching around the corner throughing out static interference so my brain thinks "this is it!" then "Oop, maybe not"
And this is not all that unfamiliar as I labored to get here I had years of this.  "What should I do for work?" the answer never came because the answer was to move.  Done. checked of the list. move down to the next thing.  what is that next thing?  (doors swing open and shut) which of these next things is actionable (doors swing open and shut)  Why do these wings flap with no measure of time? flap? more like flab! I sink in the air and my measure come back to haunt me.  I don't want to be carried on the backs of others, I want to help carry!  How can I better use this written place to bring you the truth of what could be, of what will be?

And in all I see it is such a waste of time!  but in saying that it is a waste of time I feel like I am saying that it is a complete an utter bad thing.  how bad is this?  should I hermit myself away then?  This I know is wrong but who is the outlet?  certainly not this young one.  so I wait with baited breath for six years to return and maybe get some measure of deliverance...but what if...
endless cycle of stupidity

maybe I'll try for a hair cut tomorrow.  that or wait for a month to pass...how can that be?  your math will be off around this schedule
stop looking and this glass like it has the bits you can see
my wind blown hair only makes for a better pic
but internal shots make for shots to be gotten
a short time till pads of some number and then what?
how far am I willing to walk with only one goal?
one and half hours and I will tug at these strings till my fingers bleed
tomorrow or the next day because I want for there to be joy in my head and I think that this is one of the only ways that I will see a change in my left.  To give all of what is left.
How do you spell bereft?
weak I know but a week month has lasted me over nine years and my heart melts at the sight of this happening again.  how much longer until I can slight these things into a pocket and forget them? Oh really...Never?  Well how what when where why! I'll just stand on a corner and waste through everything, not knowing where the end of this pit goes

But there it is:  I know where that pit goes and it is not for me.  So next week I have adventure planed and after that I have time to run myself into new ground basking in the glory of how hard it is to be stubborn and mindless after one knows better that to be stubborn and mindless.

12-7-12