pressure

 a heavy and heated knife with much pressure
the fillet falls fast and sections away the parts that need leaving…

I feel every
                    inch
                              of loss.
and little lying men drive home the salt.
As I am to be that and light i count the pain as a badge of honor.
Keep the sill with its fill.
Water is a needed substance for all manner of things…

saving…save?

at every type I see the flash and run down to many paths.
I want only the one that will bring me to the best end.
Can I be the guide? of course not!
I am folded into.  I roll and stumble into what will be.
though I am set free, I give it back.

alone its of no benefit.

Be the cause

Because I felt lonely and I don't trust myself when I feel lonely so I choose to run away from that which is happening around me.  I find my way out and run for the quiet and solitude and that did not help so I am left with a bit of a tail spin and I am very unsure of how to do what while I wait for this next project.  This great project that I have been waiting for, the project that will take my life to complete. I am so. Dry close to exploding and I have no words 

Not joy but glee? This is how I'll play in the space between. A few enters and maybe that will be to much for the reader but it will fill me with the time and maybe I can hide in plain sight this way.  I'll just put card to table and show my path north this weekend is for one very unlikely reason... Nope, can't do it. Can't do it even as a joke. It's to close to heart wrenching and I don't have the tools to everything back in place.  I won't be doing any shopping this days (a blatent reference to the place beneath my shoes that I avoid treading.  It's all in his hands and I pitted patter away and wish for a smitter smatter to wipe my face with only warm water. At this point my points weaken with a stronger resolve.  I start playing the music that broke my heart of its disorder. My body sways, if only in my head.  I twirl to see the back of your neck and the back of your head....cents don't seem to matter to my file runner.  I lead with my truth for others and I feel the counterfeit for not admitting it to anyone, but they know

They already know and knew before me. I'm blind to me.

I begin to matter to me...

I fixed a phone but...

I fixed a phone, but…
                                    it's not my own.

After to much time, you really felt that it was
doubt-able

I know things I have no business knowing.
and water bottles fell out of place.
I asked to keep where they were.
Did I in fact transgress?

as the request rang out, I knew the out come.
meager meal, but was a feast of fun.
less than lovable cinematic screen time,
but what could you possibly think was out there?
it was the grape juice...
the bless-ed grape juice.

time poured out
and the glass is still empty.
but the water bottle is gone!

 at least the sill disturbing water bottle is gone?

(talk about a long term investment)
(frown-y face)

bobbing

Yes, I know.  It's getting clear that there is enough water there.
it all grows from the water,
but is it flowing or stagnant?

this is a place of vacillation!
weary of all these feet, but I can't help this.

I am happy.
I am a little lost.
I love and have faith, though hope has some edge to it.

jabbing to avoid damage, I see the round about.
I run about it, the slink is rhythm.
(a child hood game i fake with great ease.)

put up your hands and set them to work hard.
they are the only things you can trust in this endeavor.
your heart is clouds
your mind is worse
your mouth is full
and string tight purse

backed up so none can come
you'll feel the knees weaken and it is b'kav'nah
key…

i'm stuck bobbing


there is only one apple in the water...

another thing and a fruit by itself

sliced with peanut butter
pre-picked and pared.
like a re mix editing master.

a fruit by itself and another thing.
the formula for uplifting and illustrating.

For what do you see in your pockets?
how can you filter out the foolish?
i just plastered the wall full of all of it!
all the things!
nothing ran out to hide, but only highlight.
And even be highlighted!
how it is called...runs.
how it is run…calls out to all of us

weary philanthropy, but playing it out.
seeds grow roots second!
i'm stalled in a pre-step pattern…
though not stalled…its exactly the place.
 the place of preparing.
it is coming into being…and my faith…
My faith pulls it to the event horizon.

open space and air is going to reopen
the conversation. what shall come?
what shall lag? what shall?

inverse light house: a lonely apple story

Tossed upon the waves of the high seas in a season of storms, he was weary of other ships.  The near collisions drove him far from land.  Even the sight of light on the evening horizon cause waves of anxiety to match the salt water upon which he sailed.  One day, desperate for peace and calm, he set a course for land.  As the maps told him he drew close, he saw a rotating light and plotted for it.  Panic stricken, he whipped around sure that he was headed for another ship. "What was I thinking? Why was I so easily fooled? I can not afford another near miss! I must avoid this light."  Though it drew him and he did not stray from it for long, he constantly sent morse code warnings to stay away.  The responses to these warnings never made complete sense, but there was something worthy about the composer…as if the conversations were worth having.

                                    

The harbor master had studied with the very best and for quite some time, but not all the information acquired was practical.  This was the first time this harbor and light house would be ready to guide a ship into safety.  The season was right, many storms had rocked many more ships.  Though head knowledge had been nearly mastered, the practicals proved harder to pound out.  There was a ship that seemed to be lost on the horizon, sailing back and forth.  Warning signals seemed conversational.  The harbor master thought "Everything seems perfect for this ship, if it would only come closer to see the harbor is safe!"  Eventually she realized the dark of night hid the safety being promised though seemingly misunderstood. So she began to pray the sun would rise and shine light so everyone would see clearly...

starlight deficiency

Rotting from with in from lack of
I have a starlight deficiency.

Eating clocks in parts
the moves fall out in smooth rhythms
and I can't help but fall out of place.
the glide and stretch,
i sick and wretch!

like a menu with joy filling corners
these tiny notes of new, balance my terms.
I can run in the path and find out the pebbles.
the path towards the bay slides south.

I'm running out of safe places
am I to be?
in the room with no doors or windows,
there is a star. Safe in green skin.
and that, set apart…a "B" side?
a midway side street? feeding into the epic of an over all story?

(they are SO hungry,
Please feed them!)

being born of a lonely apple...

Patterns seen and herded.
(yes
        i just did that)

to end points unknown with valleys darkly expected.

It is not news to think and talk of the heart,
but mine is yet a mystery to me.
So how is it that the key lies?
The truth misdirects my path like noisy blue brakes.

blinded by beauty of such small gifts in my depth,
but gilded in glass, i must snap seals and bust boundaries?

seeds will grow out and fruit will feed good food.
I till the ground given and I'm grateful.
maybe an amount of apples in greater groups?

the lonely apple and an unwarranted sequel

I have always been early but this is ridiculous.
What have I done with my flight time?
Did you just say chicken?
you lonely apple…stay away from me!

Run, I'm no longer safe.
I'm sinking further in.

high hopes for such silly lines
its all on the title
the failing sits squarely on the title
...

time laps and the lonely apple

It is a green and sour apple.
It has been lapsing for three days, but maybe two more.
to what end do i think
(do i think?)
I did this of my own free will.
I am guilty of barring out the wind.
I pushed myself past pardon.
and ground grates at me.
I have no wings to fly, and besides…I'm already home.

waters distance holds hearts at bay
and I am only one.  for whom the bell tolls…
so I unpeel to reveal the soft, bruised parts
bruising as I unsoft the peel parts
re bruising me as she peels the
soft flowing hair…
my last lost hat was from prison
i fought to stay in that place
and on my face! this is the same space!

can i please dance alone in the dark?
you bring light and
                         and you take up all the blankets!
i just want a corner
i'm fine with my corner, but now
    Now I'm some kind of builder?
what kind of builder?

I want my own bed
and one I can fit on.
I don't want your help,
        I don't want her help!
___

I plodded forward.  All the while wanting His prints.
and she was there.
Every.
Step.
of the Way.

Simply put...

Simply put. am not happy with you...

I trusted you...but now

I thought of different things... I...

Don't you see that talking is better?

Telling me don't you see?

Oh

I see...you don't see.

You are lost.

And because I was trusting you

I'm off center. You pulled me off course.

Without intention, but I was trusting you!

I...I can't

I just...

...the time has gone...